Thursday, April 23, 2009

Infinitely better than anything else you could be doing.

Every once in a while, i'll have an epiphany. But i can never remember what it was once i realize i had it. So i guess you'll never know.

Today was supposed to be blazingly hot. Not because the weatherman told me that. But because yesterday and the day before were blazingly hot. So i wore shorts and sandles and a t-shirt. I was cold. My feet are still cold. I think i have some food stuck in the hole in my mouth...

Everytime i get the cheese out, my dog walks into the kitchen.
this is because when i grate cheese, some always falls on the floor. and he eats it. but he still comes when i'm slicing as opposed to grating, and he ends up with no cheese.

Today was filled with nothing. Nothing, nothing, and more nothing. I went to subway with my coworker Anyuta, it was a waste of money. Subway is still gross, i should have known. But the woman that served us was nice enough.

Summer is coming closer which means one thing, summer-school. I'm taking math123 which is just a two-part algebra II class and english writing 302 online. idk how to explain what english writing 302 is, but we write essays and i need it for my english major. FUN. i'm good at english, have a natural skill there. Still, i kind of want to go for a double major in art, it'd just be twice as much work. and like another year of community college, which is lame...

then in fall i'm taking a group discussion class to satisfy my communication studies, the human sexuality class for psychology, two lit classes (american, and english lit) for my eng major, and a p.e. class for my a.a.

i'm actually excited for these classes because it means i'm that much closer to transferring to a REAL college. unlike this fake high school college i go to now... just sayin..

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Randomly Creative Day

Today started out seemingly normal.

I woke up, go out of bed, dragged a towel across my head. but enough of the beatles. and idk if i quoted them right anyway.

ANYway, riding to school i saw my bus crush. she had her yoga mat again, as all hot girls seem to.

There was also a girl that got on my bus that had a spaghetti strap shirt with a gray t-shirt underneath. i thought it strange..

gaw, where'd twiggy go? antm doesn't work w/out her. at least not as well.


so then i went to my theatre class and forgot to turn in my laaate ass homework.
i really can't fail that class. that's be soo stupid.

after that went to espresso metro with my sister and the new internet friend who is dreadfully quiet and made the outing sooo incredibly awkward.

then waited for my class to start. went to ceramics and finnished my self portrait.

and then i made this sign at work.

It makes me sad that i chose to be an english major and so i won't be taking art classes anymore. i know it's something i'll have to go back to because i really do like art. and i think i have a small amount of talent that could really get good if i worked at it..

Saturday, April 18, 2009

CD purchase

bought this cd by animal collective

i have no money but becoming a prostitute to pay for the album is worth it.

i hadn't planned on buying anything. "i have no money" i told my sisters friend Suze. I really did just want to go to the record store to have an excuse to go outside. It had been a day of mindless txt messaging, tumblr posts, twitter updates (or the lack thereof), myspace, nerdfighters ning chat, and of course the ol' favorites youtube and facebook. Although admittedly i probably spend much more time on myspace. Anyway, once we got to the record store something unexpected happened. my sister and her friend started talking and flirting with all of the workers there who all of course just happened to be of the male persuasion. which left me feeling awkward and out of place.

i found solace in the indie section of the store when i came across a magazine rack (cd player thingy in the record store) that just so happened to have animal collective's newest available for listen.

to clear the record, i already had a huuuge thing for animal collective. we've been getting kind of serious and i'd been thinking it's about time to take the next step, which would be, of course, actually purchasing one of their albums. i couldn't help myself, my wallet told me "no" but my heart said "yes". it was done. i bought it. and we lived happily ever after. the end.


this was on facebook and i realized it had the word "remarkable". but i think i'll maybe go with one delicious year. it sounds more interesting. plus it actually means something positive, whereas remarkable can be good OR bad..

Thursday, April 16, 2009

To my blog

I've been neglecting this. Mostly, because i found the amazing-ness that is you should get one. and you should follow my blog on there, (you should be able to follow it on your blogger account) the url is <--put that in ur follow thingy. lol. or don't. i won't be mad. but anyway. i don't know what to say. tonight after i get off work i'm going to my friend janelles house. also at her house will be a new friend kate. i've never actually met kate. just talked to her on aim. we talk a lot on there tho so i feel like i know her in a way. of course, how much can you really know someone if you've never met them???

yesterday was a day of walking around the park wich led to me getting job applications at the zoo, fairy tale town, and funderland. also some normal businesses but i don't know if i'll even turn in those applications because i don't really want to work at those places. i was going to call my old job, baskin robbins, and see about getting a summer job, but i really don't wanna work there again. i'm reminded of all the reasons i left and i don't feel like starting that over again. there were some fun times tho and maybe i should just suck it up and call.

anyway, after getting apps i headed back to school and was a half an hour late to my ceramics class. i got close to finnishing my self portrait but ran out of clay and had to stop. ended up leaving a little bit early as there wasn't enough time for me to buy clay and then come back. i hate that i have to buy more clay cuz i really don't have any money right now. i have to stop myself from buying food at school now and i'm actually getting the hang of this. brought a sandwich and soda and yogurt and jello today. so yay, i'm actually carrying out a plan which isn't something i often do. the plan being "take food to school".

Hmm, i can do this. For a second, i thought i'd have nothing to say again. Guess there's still some things happening in my life. That's good. And yes, this is an accomplishment, because i believe the last blog i wrote was one of my sad reflective life sucks blogs...

Friday, April 10, 2009

it is Friday, but i'm not thanking god.

My mouth still hurts. Wait, i think i can take some more vicoden.......

oh no. i have to wait another half an hour. i really hope i don't have dry socket. cuz it's still hurting. and that might be a sign.

well, i still have three homework assignments to do for theatre, and the proposal for my anthropology paper. i haven't even thought about what i wanna write that paper on. that HAS to happen tommorow. or i die. and it's not a big deal. i can do this. i HAVE to do this.

i wish i was more organized, and didn't procrastinate. because when i procrastinate, i end up letting myself fail. like what i've done in math. now i have to take that class again. for the 6th time...

i really don't think the week should be over. it doesn't seem right.

i found a love for tumblr. and the nerdfighters ning. soo many new friends on nerdfighters. it's fun, but i know, it's not real. time for real life. time to get off the computer, and onto real life. even if real life is homework right now. :P

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Is this Forever?

if you didn't catch my reference to david after dentist, go watch it now. Laugh, cuz the rest of the blog might serve to depress.

But anyway, my topic today is something more serious, and just as equally depressing as any of the previous blogs i've been posting. It seems that life just keeps taking and taking. Just minutes ago i found out that a girl i went to high school with died in a car accident.

For one thing, i was just in a car accident.

For another, this girl lived right down the street from my house. It was only a few days ago that i had last seen her. I don't know exactly what happened. And i'm worried about those around her. I don't know if she was driving or if someone is feeling some sort of blame for all of this. But i hope that they can all be at peace with this.

It doesn't seem real. I don't believe that any of this is happening. Maybe someone is trying to tell me something. Someone of a higher power. God even. But i don't know. I don't know if i'm ready to believe in God again. Especially now.

Right after my car accident my mom said, "God is looking out for you, he protected you". It didn't make me feel better. But i just loved how simple it was. And i wish i could have faith like that. That in the midst of such terrible things, God is there, watching, protecting.

But how could he? How could he protect me and let others die? How is my life any more important than hers was?

But you want it to be true. You want her to be happy, alive, in heaven. How can life just end? It's the most real thing we can experience. The only thing we can experience. And when it's gone, then what?

I hope that no matter where she is, that she's in peace, and that her life will serve as more than just her life, that it can inspire and help those around her. I know that she will never be forgotten, but i hope that her life had some purpose, and that it won't be lost on us.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

on the bus again

well, today i backed the car into the garage.

yup it's totalled, and we haven't heard the police report, but we know what they'll say, it was my fault.

basically, that just means my insurance goes up times infinite, and i don't get any money. so i bus around the world for the rest of my life. well, most likely the rest of my college life if not longer :P.

but yeah. it was weird, being in the car, seeing the passenger seat pushed up all the way to the middle section of the car. i had to stop myself from getting really sad. because i don't want to do that again...

it's wierd, it seems like every day since the accident i've hung out with my TWINN and some random people i barely know. i know who my real friend is. but it's cool to have some new friends too in the midst of all this.

yesterday, i took the bus to the library. met my friend sabrina there. she didn't have the stuff she needed to get a library card so we left. it was really dumb. idk why we went there. but then we walked around, found a candy store, i bought a caramel apple and then came back and got a FREE bottle of water. this was the womans exact words "you can pay for it the next time you come in". WTF, i've been to that store one other time in my life. what makes her think i'll come back??? i guess i should find a dollar and go pay. but that's not gonna happen. especially if i have to bus there...

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,

Now it looks as though they're here to stay, oh i believe in yesterday.

Well, this is the story. I was driving home from school, the usual, when i turned, at a green light, suddenly, i heard the sound of tires squealing, and looked to see a woman with an expression of anger and turmoil on her face, driving into the side of my car. It's hard to write this and school isn't the best place to be doing this, but seeing as how i don't have another class until 1:30, i'm going to push through and write it, my eyes fighting off the stinging wetness.

It's hard to know what really happened. I suppose it was my fault. I suppose when turning at a green light, it has to be a green arrow, but I honeslty didn't know this truth, and that upsets me.

My car was supposed to last me "oh about five years" and all i got out of it was 3 months. didn't even make it to the summer.

it really pains me to see that the one thing i spent all my money on, my life-savings, destroyed. i didn't know how important my car was to me. i often told myself it wouldn't matter if it was ever to be stolen, this is different, but it still shouldn't matter. i feel like i'm selfish, all i could think about was how i was right. what if something had happened, what if that woman, and her little girl, had gotten hurt, and it was my fault. what? what then?

i realize this blog may just work to depress you. i hope it doesn't. i hope it cautions you, to pay attention. realize that your life is only temporary, and that when you drive, you're not only responsible for yourself but everyone else around you.

this morning was a bus ride. i looked to find a calming reassurance in the firmiliarities of riding the bus, but i couldn't. i couldn't really notice anyone around me. the sound of animal collective in my ears added to the surreal quality of this experience. a breif moment of antony and the johnsons embraced my sadness and showed me the cruelties of the world, but it was over quickly.

it was strange, before theatre, i kept looking at everyones faces. looking everyone in the eye as i waited for the classroom doors to open. no one gave me eye contact. i guess i was looking for something. someone to sympathize. someone to tell me they loved me, anything.

but life goes on. and i am lucky. embrace the day. forget your mistakes, even if the world may not. and especially, be grateful for what you have, don't let go of it. and keep reaching for higher places.

(cheese, i'm sorry, my humor will come back when this feeling wears off).