Thursday, December 7, 2006

tired

ok. i think i'll actually blog in this. it's a scary thought. but i just might be willing to give it a shot. i'm tired. as the title may suggest. i have loads of french work that i didn't do and am starting to admit that i'm probably not going to do it. again. and i still haven't started on my research paper due next wednesday. i wanted to start today but of course i can't trust myself. tommorow i have work, so i won't be starting it, and then the next day i have work in the morning and i'm supposed to hang out with friends after. so i have to do a lot a lot of work on sunday. which is perfect cuz' it gives me time to not just give up completely when i get confused by the prompt or realize that i don't have one. still, 5 pages is long. and i probably won't finnish it... but i'll be crossing my fingers...

this is why i never do my homework. i find something to distract me... i've given myself the worst work ehic in the world... i need a seperation from work and relaxation. so when i'm at home, all i do is relax....

Monday, December 4, 2006

soon...

all this time and i still feel as if my life hasn't yet begun.
so much i haven't yet experienced.
children know more about life than me.
i don't know about myself.
my life.
even my country.
don't know what i want.
who i am.
where i come from.
who to trust.
when to speak.
who know's more.
when to turn my cheek.
who my true friends are.
who loves me.
who expects more of me.
who wants to know who i am.
who will give me the time of day.
who thinks i'm smart.
who know's what i think.
who wants to know.
who believes in me.
who promisises me complexity.
how to live my life.
who to share my soul with.
how to give my life.
how to know who loves me.
how to experience joy.
how to experience pain.
how to have all loss,
and no gain.
who wants to show me more.
who wants to take away.
who doesn't understand.
any more than my name.
and why it happens to me.
and why it won't go away.
and how to start this over.
and how to make it end.
how to understand it.
how to want it more.
how to show my feelings.
how to open the iron door.
when to give my story.
when to share my life.
when to know i love you.
when to give up time.
where it all is going.
where it all comes from.
where to go in sadness.
where to know the rest.
if i can't figure it out.
i will not care.
i will not shout.
this is not the ending.
this is not the denoument.
this is not the resolution.
this is not the stop.
and in the end it will all make sense.
but it just might be too late.
if that all adds up.