Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,

Now it looks as though they're here to stay, oh i believe in yesterday.

Well, this is the story. I was driving home from school, the usual, when i turned, at a green light, suddenly, i heard the sound of tires squealing, and looked to see a woman with an expression of anger and turmoil on her face, driving into the side of my car. It's hard to write this and school isn't the best place to be doing this, but seeing as how i don't have another class until 1:30, i'm going to push through and write it, my eyes fighting off the stinging wetness.

It's hard to know what really happened. I suppose it was my fault. I suppose when turning at a green light, it has to be a green arrow, but I honeslty didn't know this truth, and that upsets me.

My car was supposed to last me "oh about five years" and all i got out of it was 3 months. didn't even make it to the summer.

it really pains me to see that the one thing i spent all my money on, my life-savings, destroyed. i didn't know how important my car was to me. i often told myself it wouldn't matter if it was ever to be stolen, this is different, but it still shouldn't matter. i feel like i'm selfish, all i could think about was how i was right. what if something had happened, what if that woman, and her little girl, had gotten hurt, and it was my fault. what? what then?

i realize this blog may just work to depress you. i hope it doesn't. i hope it cautions you, to pay attention. realize that your life is only temporary, and that when you drive, you're not only responsible for yourself but everyone else around you.

this morning was a bus ride. i looked to find a calming reassurance in the firmiliarities of riding the bus, but i couldn't. i couldn't really notice anyone around me. the sound of animal collective in my ears added to the surreal quality of this experience. a breif moment of antony and the johnsons embraced my sadness and showed me the cruelties of the world, but it was over quickly.

it was strange, before theatre, i kept looking at everyones faces. looking everyone in the eye as i waited for the classroom doors to open. no one gave me eye contact. i guess i was looking for something. someone to sympathize. someone to tell me they loved me, anything.

but life goes on. and i am lucky. embrace the day. forget your mistakes, even if the world may not. and especially, be grateful for what you have, don't let go of it. and keep reaching for higher places.

(cheese, i'm sorry, my humor will come back when this feeling wears off).


Han-Gyul said...

Fragility of life, it's on everyone's minds atm it seems

Ambles said...

I love you!

Poor car...
Aren't you glad no one was with you?